“Do we just sit anywhere?” she asked, holding her lunch tray.
“Yes,” the lady next to me replied. “Here. Have my seat. I need to go.” The other two ladies at the table agreed, standing up and grabbing their lunch trays.
“Oh. I’ll go somewhere else.”
“Please don’t,” I said. “I’m staying. Lunch isn’t over yet.”
And just like that, God brought someone new into my life at just the right moment. I was attending a writers’ conference and didn’t know anyone. It was nowhere near my stomping grounds, so familiar faces were lacking, although the writing community is small, and there were several “I know so-and-so’s.” We immediately hit it off and found numerous things in common, most importantly, faith. I have found my deepest friendships to be rooted in faith. Maybe you have, too.
While the world is suffering a crisis of connection, we seem to do everything online. Our entertainment, instead of bringing us into community, separates us: games, binge-watching shows, and scrolling through social media. None of those pastimes encourages building relationships. We are solitary, even while being social. And if you are anything like me, your friendships have experienced drastic changes in the last five years since COVID. There has been a paring down to the most pure of relationships. People who genuinely love you and want the best for you have remained. Casual relationships or those who kept you around for selfish reasons have left.
I read that most likely, the people in your life now won’t be around in five years. As a military spouse, I know this to be true! Even after my husband retired and we lived in one house for seventeen years, people have come and gone. So when someone special comes along, I make sure to treasure her. God has put some wonderful, Godly women in my life who have passed the test of time and continue to support and encourage me. I am eternally thankful for their friendship.
Which leads me to talk about the special qualities that make a great friend. First, my long-lasting friends know how to give and not just take. They invest in who I am. Whether that is sending something relevant to who I am as a person, like a tool or website that helps me in my pursuits, or telling me that I am valuable to them. (Everyone likes to be appreciated, right?) Another special quality is two-fold: they love me despite my flaws, but aren’t afraid to correct me. I know that I have their unconditional love while still being challenged to be more like Jesus. (And don’t we all need to be more like Him?) And third, they’re just THERE. They check in, call, text, or make plans to get together. Time is precious, especially in the days we live in when we are go-go-go. So I know that I am not an afterthought in their lives. Please don’t misunderstand me. As a military spouse, I know that we move and life stages change. And it’s wonderful to have those friends who can just pick back up no matter how much time has passed. But God also created us to be in community and have people around us for the day-to-day. This doesn’t mean that they have to live next door, or even in the same town. But there does need to be consistency.
So be on the lookout for these people. God brings them to us when we need them and when we don’t. When we expect them and when we don’t. Sometimes, He puts a person into our life as a gift and says, “Here you go. She’s special. Because I love you both, love each other well.” And then do what He says! Love them well.
Thank you, Dixie, for walking up to my table.
(Perhaps I will write about what not to do in friendships next.)